Dropping at Y'all Like My Sinker, Bitch.

I know what you're thinking: C. Piddy got a blog?

That's right. Get ready to open wide and drink down my sweet blog juice. Gulp, gulp playas. Actually you got some of that blog juice on your chin, open wider playa. Even wider. Yeah, that's right. Hmm... Honestly, in the future I would suggest even wider than that. You literally can't open wide enough. Perfect.

Right off the bat: I'm all business, so let's get to it.

What you know about me: I'm the best pitcher in the AL East.

What you don't: I love movies, I love food, I love busting my ass day in day out, I love sports, I love drinks, I love iPods, I love Sega Genesis, I love hustling, I love dishes with food on them (I guess that's kinda like food, but whatever), I love gravy, and now, I love blogging.

Right off the bat, I'm gonna be true with all you playas: This Blog? No rules. Just a couple of quick rules -

1) I'm gonna be straight. No bullshit. No gimmicks.
2) No rules.
3) I have some vocab words you're going to have to learn. Put in the effort, and you will be rewarded. Trust me.

Core - Hardcore. For example, "Dude, C. Piddy is so core." -- Robinson Cano

Boss - Something that totally rules. For example, "Dude, C. Piddy's slider is boss." -- Karl Ravech.

Amped - Juiced/excited. "Dude, I am so fuckin' amped right now." -- C. Piddy

Playa - Street for "player." Also, all y'all who are going to read this blog beast. "Dude, C. Piddy's readers are a bunch of playas." -- NY Times.

I'm going to hit pretty much everything the fans would want to know: Our rivalry with the Red Sux, why I'm better than Dice-Gay Matsuzaka, what it's like being a sex symbol in the hottest city in the world, what Sega Genesis games I beat last week (Barkley Shut Up and Jam 2 - no big deal), my latest iPod purchase (60 gig video at 11 AM today)...it's all going to be in here. This shit is going to be so core you won't even believe it. But then, when I'm done, you'll finally believe it. (Like the Bible, I guess.)

Dude, I am so fucking amped right now. This blog gets me going, for real. You guys should see me; I'm like an angry ox right now. I'm seriously drooling.

Right off the bat: Tonight we start our weekend series with the Red Sux. Since I'm on the DL we won't have that automatic win that I provide every time I start, but I still got a good feeling about it. Yeah, our rotation's banged up, but we get that easy win against Dice-Gay on Sunday night. Have y'all playas watched this guy pitch? He's easier to beat than "Ecco The Dolphin."

I can't wait to heckle his ass. Call your bookies and make this bet, playas: we sweep the Sux this weekend and hang seventy runs on their sorry asses. Remember to think of C. Piddy when you're spending all that sweet cabbage you're about to win on a phat Franklin Digital Dictionary.

Oh, yeah, one more word:

Sweet Cabbage - Money. "Remember to think of C. Piddy when you're spending all that sweet cabbage you're about to win on a phat Franklin Digital Dictionary." -- C. Piddy.

Right off the bat: Back with more tomorrow. I'd write after the game, but I'm taking my nephew clubbing with me. He's only eleven, but when you roll with C. Piddy you get pretty much any pussy you want.

Peace.

ps - Funny story. Before I started my blog, I wanted the theme to be that...like... I write every entry by throwing baseballs onto a mounted laptop on the wall. I got this far into my first entry before I broke my Powerbook's screen: "4i898c;" Whateves, my new one came with an iPod so I'm cool with it. I wonder how many pitches Dice Gay would need to break a laptop monitor, which is probably half the size of a strike zone.

pps - Just ordered a new green iPod mini off Amazon. No big deal.